If you feel you grew up in a family with toxicity, make it your legacy to break the family legacy.Karen Salmansohn @ notsalmon.com
Our Family, featured in several posts, was a catastrophe. Our last name didn’t bring respect, or honor when mentioned, it brought violence, chaos and generally ended with handcuffs.
Growing up in our family looked picture perfect from the outside, like we had everything a family could ever dream of. Every meal was eaten together around the dinner table, we were always doing things together, no matter what it was, it was always a family event. Our father worked hard to financially provide a comfortable life for his family, our mother took care of our home, and us kids with endless love and compassion. We were all active members of our church, our extended family was a steady flow in our lives, and our parents were the ideal for what a love was supposed to be.
On the inside of our house, there was a routine. Mom better have meals on the table everyday, the house was too be spotless, if he had a bad day or someone pissed him off he could treat her like his personal punching bag, verbally, emotionally, and physically torment and abusing her to keep her in line. He was the man and he could do as he pleased, without having to answer to anyone. Mistresses, affairs, drugs, criminal activity, nothing was off limits for him.
Mom was continuously accused of having an affair for anything and everything. She wore her hair in a ponytail, she was cheating. She wore perfume or make up, cheating. She spoke to our pastor, she was screwing him and we had to leave the congregation. Our mother never so much as looked at another man the entire time they were married. But the Men were Demigods and had to hold control over everything. Acquiring it with fear tactics, abuse, manipulations, and brain washing.
Now I tell you that to show you what our life has changed into since the passing of our father.
It was like the weight was lifted, the air cleared, the chains broke, and our eyes finally opened. We were no longer bound to the original family, we didn’t have to carry those traits with us, we were free. I don’t say this with hatred or anger any longer, but simply with unapologetic truths. The black clouds that had lingered our entire lives, had cleared away. We could see the world and the options in front of us. We all are dealing with the change in our own ways, but we are all together in a newly revamped family.
Now my oldest brother gets to be the new face of our family, once a Jr, now he gets to change the image and opinion people have when they hear his name.
My sister is finally laying down the effects of our childhood, and focusing again on moving forward to bigger and better things. Needing to Prove only to herself, just how worthy she is and what she is capable of.
I have come to a place of accepting the wisdom and knowledge of my journey, the lessons have begun translating into how I live my life. Choosing only to take the lessons of the past and apply them to my life, rather then carry the baggage of the pain with me.
Our Mother, the source of our light during our lives, and now the sole source of our unwavering love, compassion, and strength is thriving and enjoying life as that matriarch to this family of ours. No longer does she have to fight the darkness every day, just to save her children from its grasps. Now she gets to enjoy the brilliant light radiating from her family, smile with pride at her children and where they are each at in life.
We gather around each of our dining tables, fill which ever house we are at with laughter, love, smiles and memories. Perfectly happy just being together. We didn’t always have it all, but now, all together we have everything!