My depression & anxiety are constantly telling me I am never good enough, I am constantly failing in everything I do. Usually I can ignore the thoughts, knowing that I am doing the best that I can. The past several weeks I have been in one of those really dark places, the one that drains you mind, body & soul. However, my daughters birthday party was rapidly approaching and I had to get my shit together.
When it comes to her birthday parties, I will spend days, weeks and sometimes even months on pinterest planning the perfect party for whatever theme she chooses. Every year has to be bigger and better than the last, and when you start big well it grows out of control very fast.
One year we not only through her a very elaborate fairy party, but we also overhauled her entire room in less than 24 hours. FYI, glitter walls & a floating bed are really hard to beat.
This year she wanted a Harry Potter birthday, so in keeping with tradition, I had to give her Hogwarts.
Spent DAYS on Pinterest, planning the decorations, invitations, cake, food, ect. Making lists on top of lists, with lists of lists. After I had planned as much as I could, I then spent DAYS and more money than I can count shopping for everything to make this party happen. There were countless days my husband thought I was completely insane, he couldn’t see what I could, all he could see were the million pieces of the puzzle and the staggering price it was costing.
When my house was overflowing with bags of supplies, bursting at the seams with groceries for her party, I set to work, armed with scissors and my glue gun. From making wands to floating candles, felt house ties to Quidditch Hula Hoops my days were a mix of baking, crafting and stressing out over not doing enough.
Thank the Gods for my family, they each helped in their own ways. My sister in law helped me bake a Spell Book cake, my brother helped me get invitations & Props printed, my mother helped me finish prepping & her and my husband helped me pull it all together on the day of the party.
After successfully transforming our house into Hogwarts, it was time for the party. We were all so tired but we were in the home stretch, we just had to make it through the 4 hour party. While there were plenty of hiccups, and things that didn’t go as planned, the kids seemed to have a great time, and my daughter was loving every second of it. Everyone kept telling me how great I had done in pulling it all off, and while I knew it, I couldn’t appreciate it. I was 1000% exhausted, and could only see where I could have done better.
I took the entire next day too recuperate, I allowed myself to just do nothing, watch TV and chill out all day. I refused to feel bad whatsoever. My house went from Hogwarts 1st year to Hogwarts after the final battle. Didn’t care. I was taking the day to just breath, to let the stress fall away.
Today I cleaned up the messes that were left, put the house back in order and just enjoyed the slow easy day. I am reminded that no matter how stressful or dark a situation is, it isn’t permanent. That it isn’t the end, I will get through it. Take the small victories, give myself credit, and most importantly remember that it is all worth it in the end.